Join me today on Blog Talk Radio for Dellani’s Tea Time! I’ve got a multitude of great guests & we’ll be discussing on-line marketing techniques for authors! So come listen in at 4:00 (EST). http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robinfalls/2010/02/08/dellanis-tea-time

I’ve got another excerpt up on my fan page on Facebook. Check it out! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dellani-Oakes/98897574794?ref=ts

I’ve got some new excerpts up on my web sites. The first is on Word Press: http://dellanioakes.wordpress.com/
The second is on Blogspot: http://writersanctuary.blogspot.com/
The third is on My Space: http://www.myspace.com/dellanioakes
And the last is on my Facebook fan page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dellani-Oakes/98897574794?ref=ts

Computer trouble? Recently, to avoid torture by phone robot, I used the online chat option. Come with me and relive my most recent experience, which went like this:

YOU ARE NOW CONNECTED TO OUR ONLINE CUSTOMER HELPLINE.
Agent: Hello. My name is Bob. How can I help you?
Me: My computer has been crashing ever since I installed your software. The error message directly relates to your software!
Bob: I am sorry to hear about your problem and understand the frustration this would cause. I apologize for any inconvenience. Please be assured that I will do my best to help you. When did your problem start?
Me: Two weeks ago. Like I just said, after I installed your software.
Bob: I do apologize and understand that this matter has been ongoing for some time. Can you please tell me what is the error message?
I type in the information.
Bob: What you are doing when the error message comes up?
Me: At first, when I tried to run your software it crashed with that error message. I finally just uninstalled the whole package. But even after uninstalling your product, my computer still crashes with the same error message!
I list the multitude of instances when the computer has crashed.
Bob: Am I right in saying that you had the problem with the software and you have uninstalled it and now you are still having the problem?
I groan and type affirmative.
Bob: All right. I will be very pleased to help you in any way I can. Which version of our software are you using?
I give Bob information about the product. He asks me to wait. I wait.
Bob: I do thank you for your patience. You are having the problem because one of your programs crashes. That error comes up when a program stops working.
My fingers try to strangle the keyboard at this supremely idiotic statement of the obvious. Bob is so lucky he’s not in the room. Maybe if I ask about something specific in the the error message itself I’ll find out something helpful.
Me: What is a debugger? I looked up that error message on the internet. I’m not the only one with this problem relating to your software but none of the fixes that were suggested online have worked for me.
Bob: May I ask you some information about your computer?
He has me go into SYSCONFIG, DXDiag etc., meanwhile giving me his deepest sympathies. I’m beginning to wonder if his day job is at a funeral home.
Bob: Based on my research and experience, your problem can be caused by incompatible third party programs or corrupted driver.
Me: In other words, you’re saying it has nothing to do with your software?
Bob: Did you try uninstalling the software and installing it again?
Me: I told you, I already uninstalled it. Then, I did install it again. Twice.
Bob: You are saying you tried reinstalling the software. Did you use the Microsoft uninstaller?
Me: Yes.
Bob: Okay, Miss. I am sending you some links. I want you to first download RegistryNuke.exe and run it. After that, download BitsofCrapExterminator.exe from their website and run that. Then…
Bob sends me two more links for other utilities that sound equally nefarious.
Me: Are you sure these things are safe to use?
Bob: I am sorry, but I can’t guarantee software made by any other company. I appreciate your cooperation in doing this. After you finish, go ahead and install our product again.
Me: Can’t you help? I’m never sure which files are safe to get rid of.
Bob: I do apologize, but we do not support products that are not made by us. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: No, thanks.
I cut the connection.

To this day, I still have the same error message and my computer is still crashing. However, I got a full refund when I returned the software.
Mickey Hoffman is the author of the mystery novel, School of Lies, published by Second Wind Publishing.

Help Us Celebrate Three New Releases with fun, quizzes, and a contest!

http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com/2010/01/29/help-us-celebrate-three-new-releas\

es/

Win Free Romance Ebooks This Weekend Only!

http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com/2010/01/29/win-free-romance-ebooks-this-weeke\

nd-only/

Launch blog party for Second Wind new rbook eleases this weekend! Please stop by our blog for fun and games. http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com

Every once in awhile, I come across something I wrote and think, “Wow, that’s kinda good!” I just read two of my short stories and found one. It’s from a sci-fi short called “Brothers At Arms” – probably the darkest, grimmest story I’ve ever written. It’s about distrust & betrayal. Wil, the hero is forced by circumstances to kill his best friend’s wife. Marc retaliates. This is the last paragraph:

“The plasma bullet exploded in Wil’s left eye. He felt it spatter his face, sensed when the slug broke through the back of his skull. As his body slid to the floor, blood pooling in the narrow hallway, all he could feel was surprise, wondering why he wasn’t dead. Then darkness took him as he spiraled into nothingness.”

Look for the next installment of “Take a Bite Outta Crime!” posted now on Second Wind’s blog site.

http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com/

Second Wind is having a launch party on January 29 and 30, which will include Backstop. J. Conrad invites readers to submit a personal account, between 200 and 400 words, of their most memorable baseball date. It could be disastrous; it might’ve led to marriage. It can be fictional or factual (fact is sometimes stranger than fiction!). The outcome of the game is really unimportant; what is important is what happens between the couple. In addition to a signed copy of Backstop: A Baseball Love Story in Nine Innings, the winning submission will receive a signed baseball from Backstop himself!

Please submit your entry to secondwindpublishing@gmail.com. J. Conrad will select a winning entry, which will be announced the following Saturday, February 6.

New Release! Backstop: A Love Story in Nine Innings by J. Conrad Guest http://secondwindbooks.wordpress.com/2010/01/14/backstop-a-baseball-love-story-in-nine-innings-by-j-conrad-guest/

Catch my show today on Blog Talk Radio at 4:00 (EST) {that’s 3:00 Texas Time!} It’s going to be lots of fun!
Dellani’s Tea Time on Blog Talk Radio.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robinfalls/2010/01/11/robin-falls-kids–dellanis-tea-time

To ring in the new year, I have 3 new posts on my blogs. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did writing them!

“Suspicious” http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfmfuseaction=blog.ListAll&bID=524340314

“A Special Night Out” dellanioakes.wordpress.com/

“A Night Out With Friends” http://writersanctuary.blogspot.com/

I’m doing a bit of research, so I’ve asked this question on my Facebook page. Ladies – you’ve given your new man an ultimatum – convince me in a week that we’re meant to be together forever. What would help to convince you? (Not including sex, he hasn’t gotten that far just yet) As an additional follow up: what would be a dream date?

Coming up at 4:00 PM (EST) Dellani’s Tea Time on Blog Talk Radio! My guests today are Deb Lund, Marsha Diane Arnold and Gail Cavenaugh. Join us live! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/robinfalls/2009/12/07/dellanis-tea-time

Check out Robin Falls Kids Magazine! It’s full of fun facts, activities and information for you and your kids!

http://www.robinfalls.com/RFM.html

Happy Thanksgiving to our readers and all my Second Wind family! God bless!

What a great show we had! I think we could have gone on 2 hours instead of just one. My guests were amazing & really kept the ball rolling for me. I hardly had to say a word! Many thanks to Jill Bratcher, Rachel Brady and Barbara Ehrentreau. You were incredible! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/redriverwriterslive/2009/11/25/whats-write-for-me

Join Dellani Oakes today on Blog Talk Radio when her guests will be Jill Bratcher, Rachel Brady and Barbara Ehrentreau – as they discuss NaNoWriMo! That’s Wednesday Nov. 25th at 1:00 PM (EST) http://www.blogtalkradio.com/redriverwriterslive/2009/11/25/whats-write-for-me

Tomorrow, I’ll be chatting with a few friends about NaNoWriMo. Tune in for a fun filled show!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/redriverwriterslive/2009/11/25/whats-write-for-me

I still need a couple replacement guests for my show on Nov. 25th at 1:00 PM (EST) Any of you doing NaNoWriMo? Or have you participated in the past? I am doing a broadcast on NaNo this month & had 2 guests cancel so far. I could use some SW support!

Read excerpts of “Indian Summer”, my historical novel as well as “The Lone Wolf” my sci-fi novel – coming soon from Second Wind! http://dellanioakes.wordpress.com/

In Praise of Romance: http://secondwindpub.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/in-praise-of-romance/

I’m sitting here admiring my new photo by my Facebook buddy, Amer Khwaja. It’s a magnificent Oriental garden in California. I traded a book for the photo and I’m very pleased with my decision to do so. I can’t wait to get a frame! It will look perfect above my desk.

The other morning I was staring out the window at all the leaves on the ground, marveling at how so much come from almost nothing. A bit of water, a bit of soil, a bit of sun, and something exists where nothing did before. I cherish those leaves. There’s no lawn here, just native grasses, so I don’t need to rake the leaves. I let them finish out their natural cycle of replenishing the soil from which they came.

Looking at those leaves, I was reminded of written words, and how they come from almost nothing. A circle, a few lines, a couple of dots, various arcs, and something exists where nothing did before. We never run out of words. We use the same words over and over again, combining them infinitely into ideas, stories, lullabies.

Recycling the very same words you use every day, I wrote four novels (plus that one poor begotten thing that’s locked away never to see the light of publication), hundreds of bloggeries, and thousands of comments. I hope my words live out their natural cycle, replenishing the mental soil from which they come.

Okay, I’m getting a bit over the top here, so I’ll get to the point. Some of those words are now residing on other people’s blogs all over the Internet from Canada to Florida, from Australia to South Africa. Today I’m in the U.S.A. Please stop by to visit me at one or all of these locations. I’ll be glad to rake up a few words of greeting for you.

Murder by 4 — Suspense: More is More

Bookworm — Names Matter

Dragon My Feet — Interview

Also, I am pleased to welcome Aaron Lazar to my blog. Please stop by and mumble, groan, hiss, grunt, expostulate or simply say hi. — Dialogue Tags.

Click here to find: Bertram’s novels on Amazon

Click here to find: Bertram’s novels at Second Wind Publishing

My novels are available in all ebook formats at Smashwords. Also, 30% of each novel is available as a free download. Click here to find: Bertram’s novels on Smashwords.